I Blame Obama

It has taken me awhile and I know many of you have been impatient with me, but finally I see the light.  No matter what the problem is, President Obama is to blame.  Initially I was fooled, but no more.  I can clearly see that what we need is another George W. Bush.

There are several factors that kept me blinded to the facts for so long.  First there is President Obama's diligence:  If the trend continues he will have averaged about 37 vacation days per year, compared to 127 days per year averaged by President G.W. Bush.  Then there is his restraint and attempts to work within the system:  147 Executive Orders in first term vs. 173 for Pres. Bush.  There was also his desire to address pertinent issues affecting our country, such as the health care fiasco, racial and marriage inequality and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

For over 5 years I've been denying what has been obvious to many Republicans ever since President Obama beat Senator McCain in 2008.  But finally I can declare that everything truly is Obama's fault.

The clincher was the recent survey taken in Louisiana concerning the emergency response and recovery efforts after Hurricane Katrina.  Over 70% of the people surveyed either believe President Obama is more at fault, or are unsure whether President Obama or President bush is more to blame for the massive failures of the response and recovery effort.  But, wait!  Wasn't Bush President and Obama just a first term Senator from Illinois?  How could he have any blame at all?  The problem is trying to apply logic and reasoning to the problem.  The proper method is to start with the Universal Axiom:  It's President Obama's Fault.  Now the answer is clear.  If President Obama had devoted his efforts to physics and engineering, he might have developed a machine capable of steering Hurricane Katrina away from Louisiana.  With this in mind it is obvious President Obama is to blame for every hurricane, every tornado, every flood, earthquake and tsunami.  Shame on you Mr. President!  Shame!

Let's take a moment to think about the Affordable Care Act, commonly referred to as "Obamacare".  I personally despise the term "Obamacare".  At first I just thought it was an attempt to blind the people to the facts by placing in inaccurate and meaningless label on necessary legislation, but now it's because it is clear he doesn't care (since he did nothing to stop Hurricane Katrina, and don't get me started on AIDS, Michael Jordan's early retirement or The Holocaust).  Sure the average cost of healthcare increases more than twice as fast as income increases, and the overall costs are spiraling out of control, but do we really need a law that guarantees everyone will have access to healthcare?  Why can't we just rely on the insurance companies to do what they think is best?  After all, they would never take advantage of us.  Would they?

Besides, there is a much simpler solution to all of our healthcare problems.  According to former Arkansas Governor and current Fox News host, Mike Huckabee, instead of providing health care we should just find a cure for all of the diseases.  With a mind like that, it is clear how he has become a part of the Fox News family.  Of course, the only reason we haven't already cured every disease is because It's Obama's Fault (henceforth known as IOF).

It is time for us to seriously get down to business.  We need to shut down the government, repeal the Affordable Care Act and Impeach the President because IOF.  We need to persecute, punish and whenever possible, shoot and kill minorities because IOF.  We need to deport all immigrants (unless the opportunity presents itself to shoot and kill them) because IOF.  We need to remove all access to health care for women and put them back in the kitchen where they belong because IOF.  We need to take all of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people and put them back in the closet and then burn the closet.  If they also happen to belong to an ethnic minority, shooting is an option.  After all, IOF.  Of course exceptions can be made for any of the above if they are willing to unquestionably and without fail vote republican (and stop acting so gay, lesbian or black).

We need to stop trying to feed, shelter and uplift the poor.  If they didn't want to be poor, they wouldn't be poor (plus, IOF).  After all, until Obama made the changes in the Bible, didn't Jesus really say "Screw the poor, they don't make campaign contributions"?  Let's stop trying to deal with climate change and protecting our environment.  Instead of worrying about the future of the planet we need to devote all of our resources to finding all the things in the world that can be blamed on President Obama.

Now I have to do laundry.  I'm out of clean underwear and It's Obama's Fault.