That'll Teach You a Lesson

Her name was Mrs. Mercedes Fisher, the Second Grade teacher at Plainville Elementary School, where I spent the first six years of my sentence to the education system.  Among other things, she had been my mother's Second Grade teacher and she holds the honor of my favorite teacher.  I honestly couldn't say whether or not she was a good teacher since I am somewhat biased.  But, I do feel that she enjoyed teaching, for what that is worth.

First Grade was too traumatic.  Since I was not able to attend kindergarten, it was my first experience away from my mother.  Coupled with the recent death of my father, my first grade teacher had no chance of making a favorable impression.  Second Grade was a different story.  I had friends, I was enjoying learning and Mrs. Fisher was happy to teach.  There were probably later teachers who were better, and certainly some who were worse, but she will always be my favorite.

If you were to compile a list of thankless occupations, truck driving would rank somewhere near the top and not far behind would be teaching.  If you try to discipline the children, parents will be upset, if you don't discipline the children parents will be upset, the school board will turn on you at the least provocation and the pay is pathetic.  Teachers are grading papers before school, after school and on the weekends, just trying to keep up, and often they have to use their own money to buy classroom supplies.  People don't become teachers because it's a good career choice, unless their only other option is truck driver.  Most teachers are there for one reason, they love to teach.

This is not to say there are no bad teachers.  I experienced several, and I'm certain there are some in every school system.  Just like every other job, some people get into it and find out they hate it.  Some enjoy their job, but just aren't cut out to teach and never connect with the students.  The best are the ones students come back to, years later, to thank them for being such a great teacher.

Many places are pushing to tie teacher salaries to standardized test scores, and there is a great deal of opposition to this, especially from teachers.  However, I think with some provisions, this could be an excellent proposition for everyone.  Give me a chance, and I think you will agree.

First step is to standardize teachers salaries.  In order to do that we need to find a median salary range, based upon industry pay.  In order to do that, take any corporation, take the lowest 5 salaries and the 5 highest salaries, add them together and divide by 10, depending on the local industries, this gives you an average salary between $100,000 and $500,000.  To be fair, set the standard teaching salary at $200,000 per year with adjustments for standardized test scores.

The next step is the standardization process.  As has been shown many times before, standardized test results vary widely.  The problem is, school systems are not standardized.  A school system in a depressed area might have a budget per student that is only 10% of the budget per student of a school system in a district with much higher average income.  If you believe the quality of education is going to be the same, I'll gladly bring you some of McDonald's finest prime rib for only $25 per serving.

The last step is to standardize the students.  I'm not certain how to go about this, since every child is different and every child has a different home situation.  Is the 12 year old who has to watch 3 younger siblings while her mother (who never graduated high school) works a second job going to do as well in school as the 12 year old with 2 college educated parents, that have plenty of time to help her with school work?  The only solution I can think of is to take every child at birth and put them into the educational system.  No contact with parents, nothing to keep them from being standardized within the system.  Then perhaps we can turn out standardized students.

Just think, standardized students, in standardized schools being taught by standardized teachers to take standardized tests to prepare them for a standardized world.

What a wonderful world it would be.