No easy way to say this, so I'll just come right out with it; I'm dying. I can't tell you how much time I have left, I'm not even certain when I learned of my impending demise, but it is coming. No sense in worrying about it, or praying for some miraculous cure. Unfortunately, what I have is always fatal, there is but one cause and no cure. I'm talking about life, brought on by birth and ending in death. If you're reading this, you're infected as well. Sorry.
With another birthday fast approaching, death (or life, depending on how you look at it) has been on my mind. It has been several years since the last time I died, and I'm wondering if another death is in my immediate future. This is going to require an explanation.
In my little world, things are not always as they seem. Death comes quite often to all of us, but we usually survive. I view events as having many different outcomes, all equally possible. When we have a close brush with death, in one reflection of the universe, the death actually occurred. The corollary is that when a death does occur, somewhere, it didn't. Does this make any sense? Life is a gigantic maze. Every time you make a turn you've left behind a "what if". What if I'd gone straight to college? What if I hadn't married her? What if I hadn't had that 17th shot of whiskey? Those "what ifs" are all part of where and who we are today. And mixed in, there were plenty of dead ends that we've managed to avoid.
Most of the dead ends, are never known to us. The fatal accident you missed by 3 minutes, the drive by shooting 2 blocks away, or the tornado that destroys the house you would have been in, if that relationship 12 years ago hadn't gone sour, are all life threatening situations you were never aware of. Speaking only for myself, most of the life threatening situations I've been aware of were the result of my own stupidity.
Looking back, I can see most of those mistakes, and with the wisdom I've acquired, could be completely disgusted with myself. How could I have been so dumb? Many of my mistakes could have resulted in my death, and several came frighteningly close. It's easy to look back and bemoan all I've lost and all I've missed out on, but I don't. Today, I'm healthy and happy. I have a roof over my head, food and clothing. Who knows where I would be if I had not made all those mistakes and ridiculous choices?
If you have children, you want to steer them away from the mistakes you made. The trouble is, we have a tendency to edit our lives. We gloss over our mistakes and failures and paint a past that shows what we wish we had done. In my opinion, you will have a difficult time reaching your children in that manner. You have to see their world through your childhood eyes, hear their problems with your childhood ears. In this way, you should be able to convince them that you really do understand. Once they know you really do get it, they may be more willing to make use of your wisdom.
If nothing else, you'll at least make them extremely uncomfortable.
Just for those few people who might have missed it, I"m not dying in the generally accepted sense. I'm only dying in the sense that no one lives forever, and every day brings us all another day closer to death. Don't call me in tears, or send embarrassingly emotional e-mails. Although flowers would be nice.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Til Death Do Us Part
The media is busy with the Supreme Court's upcoming rulings on California's Proposition 8, the Defense of Marriage Act and gay marriage. And, of course, social media is right there with it. I've been pleasantly surprised by some of my acquaintances speaking out in favor of marriage equality. Of course this also brings the bigotry and hatred to the forefront, giving me more opportunities to sever all ties with the closed minds I grew up with.
For the sake of clarity, I'm going to lump all this together and call the issue "Marriage Equality". Those in favor of marriage equality feel it is a case to end discrimination, to grant all people the same opportunities and the same benefits, regardless of sexual orientation. Those opposed argue that marriage equality weakens traditional marriage and prevents children from growing up in a complete, nurturing family. They do this with a straight face too. Amazing.
Current statistics show that 35% of children are being raised in a single parent home. Nearly 50% of all traditional marriages end in divorce and a growing number of couples are choosing to raise their families without benefit of marriage. What this boils down to is that most children are being raised (under the guise of traditional marriage) by a single biological parent. Granted, in many cases, the step-parent does an excellent job, but it hardly fulfills the stated defense of traditional marriage.
Here is a point to ponder. Let's assume two widowed, heterosexual women, each with 3 children. Neither is able to raise their family without some sort of public assistance. With housing, medical expenses and the cost of childcare, the burden is too much. If these two women (or men, it works both ways) were able to marry (in a completely sexless relationship), the combining of benefits and reduction of costs could allow them to better raise their children without the need for welfare, foodstamps, childcare assistance and housing assistance. The children would have the benefits of two parents and a much better chance to succeed in life. Would this scenario be acceptable to everyone?
If you're opposed to marriage equality, it's time to stop lying to yourself and the world. The issue isn't about providing a loving supportive family, what we have does not guarantee this. It is about a desire to discriminate against homosexuals. In many places it is no longer acceptable to discriminate based on race or religion, but as long as we can keep from allowing marriage equality we can still hate, fear and punish one group, and isn't that what America is all about?
Personally, I don't care, unless they are groping me, what a person's sexual orientation is. Let me amend that. The first grope I don't care, it's not something that happens often enough for me to be picky (yes, I enjoy being groped). Any extra gropes I don't want unless I'm at least somewhat attracted to the person, unless I'm very drunk. What I do care about is treating everyone equally. What type of sexual relations a lesbian or gay couple engage in, is their business, not yours. Just like your own relations are your own business.
Should your wife or husband be denied access to your health benefits and your retirement benefits because you no longer engage in sexual activities? Should you be denied the right to marry because one of you is infertile? Grant everyone the same rights and stop trying to force people to some narrow-minded definition of what you perceive as right.
For the sake of clarity, I'm going to lump all this together and call the issue "Marriage Equality". Those in favor of marriage equality feel it is a case to end discrimination, to grant all people the same opportunities and the same benefits, regardless of sexual orientation. Those opposed argue that marriage equality weakens traditional marriage and prevents children from growing up in a complete, nurturing family. They do this with a straight face too. Amazing.
Current statistics show that 35% of children are being raised in a single parent home. Nearly 50% of all traditional marriages end in divorce and a growing number of couples are choosing to raise their families without benefit of marriage. What this boils down to is that most children are being raised (under the guise of traditional marriage) by a single biological parent. Granted, in many cases, the step-parent does an excellent job, but it hardly fulfills the stated defense of traditional marriage.
Here is a point to ponder. Let's assume two widowed, heterosexual women, each with 3 children. Neither is able to raise their family without some sort of public assistance. With housing, medical expenses and the cost of childcare, the burden is too much. If these two women (or men, it works both ways) were able to marry (in a completely sexless relationship), the combining of benefits and reduction of costs could allow them to better raise their children without the need for welfare, foodstamps, childcare assistance and housing assistance. The children would have the benefits of two parents and a much better chance to succeed in life. Would this scenario be acceptable to everyone?
If you're opposed to marriage equality, it's time to stop lying to yourself and the world. The issue isn't about providing a loving supportive family, what we have does not guarantee this. It is about a desire to discriminate against homosexuals. In many places it is no longer acceptable to discriminate based on race or religion, but as long as we can keep from allowing marriage equality we can still hate, fear and punish one group, and isn't that what America is all about?
Personally, I don't care, unless they are groping me, what a person's sexual orientation is. Let me amend that. The first grope I don't care, it's not something that happens often enough for me to be picky (yes, I enjoy being groped). Any extra gropes I don't want unless I'm at least somewhat attracted to the person, unless I'm very drunk. What I do care about is treating everyone equally. What type of sexual relations a lesbian or gay couple engage in, is their business, not yours. Just like your own relations are your own business.
Should your wife or husband be denied access to your health benefits and your retirement benefits because you no longer engage in sexual activities? Should you be denied the right to marry because one of you is infertile? Grant everyone the same rights and stop trying to force people to some narrow-minded definition of what you perceive as right.
Life, Liberty and The Pursuit
I enjoy bumper stickers. Spending 60 hours each week looking at the world through a windshield brings a greater appreciation of any type of diversion. Some are informative: "My Child is an Honor Student" or "Baby on Board". Others show support for a cause or candidate, with the remainder falling into the humor category. Two of my personal favorites: "Visualize Whirled Peas" and "Spay and Neuter Your Pets and Weird Friends".
Twenty years ago, I bought a VW van that had a bumper sticker prominently displayed. One day someone followed me into the parking lot at work, got out of their car and struck up a conversation. The young man was gay and much too happy to find out we worked for the same company. Finally, my confusion got the better of me, so I steered the conversation to find out why we were having a conversation. His reply "I'm a friend of Bill" did not clear things up. The only Bill I could think of would not have befriended this man. He then pointed out my bumper sticker. It turns out the bumper sticker (and the "I'm a friend of Bill" remark) are signs used by members of Alcoholics Anonymous to identify each other. The bumper sticker also indicated that I was probably a gay member of AA. I removed the sticker that night to avoid the stigma of being thought of as a member of AA.
Last night I spotted a bumper sticker that said "Religious Liberty" followed by print too small to read. Did the driver think we need more religious liberty? Do our restrictive laws governing religion somehow keep him from exercising his own person religious expression? I could not imagine what restriction on religious liberty, would be so intolerable, that a bumper sticker was necessary.
Within walking distance I can attend a Chinese Christian Church, a Korean Christian Church, a Spanish Christian Church and 5 different denominations of American Christian Churches. Within the city I can attend more than 50 variations of Protestant Churches, several different Catholic Churches, as well as, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu and Buddhist services. The variety is mind boggling. And I nearly forgot the Mormons.
I can find churches that do not allow dancing and churches that feel dancing is an important part of worship. I can find churches that frown on the consumption of alcohol and churches that own bars (in some cases, the same church). I can find churches that welcome gay couples and churches that preach homosexuality as a deadly sin. Many churches preach that sex is only allowed within marriage and only for the purpose of procreation, and I know (don't ask how) of a church that holds monthly orgies as an expression of their beliefs. The only religious liberties I can think of which are restricted are the rights to have sex with children, commit rape or murder or sacrifice live animals or people. You can even commit hate crimes, as long as you do it for the love of God.
Even these few restrictions can be gotten around if you're willing to limit the acts to ritual depictions. Ritual polygamy, murder and cannibalism are carried out in churches all of the time, with no complaints. If you can come up with a ritual depiction of pedophilia and somehow connect it to your religion, you're home free, as disturbing as that may sound.
The only time I hear someone complaining about their religious liberties, it turns out they are upset because their beliefs require society to force everyone else to comply with those beliefs. Requiring school prayer, requiring the teaching of creationism in public schools, prohibiting abortion and prohibiting gay marriage are some of the popular choices.
Worship in whatever way you wish and exercise your personal religious liberty to whatever extent you wish, but don't try to take away my personal liberty in the process. Don't require my tax dollars to teach your faith as science and I won't use your churches income to build new roads. And if you aren't in favor of same sex marriages, then don't marry someone of the same sex. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to sacrifice a beer and some hot wings.
Twenty years ago, I bought a VW van that had a bumper sticker prominently displayed. One day someone followed me into the parking lot at work, got out of their car and struck up a conversation. The young man was gay and much too happy to find out we worked for the same company. Finally, my confusion got the better of me, so I steered the conversation to find out why we were having a conversation. His reply "I'm a friend of Bill" did not clear things up. The only Bill I could think of would not have befriended this man. He then pointed out my bumper sticker. It turns out the bumper sticker (and the "I'm a friend of Bill" remark) are signs used by members of Alcoholics Anonymous to identify each other. The bumper sticker also indicated that I was probably a gay member of AA. I removed the sticker that night to avoid the stigma of being thought of as a member of AA.
Last night I spotted a bumper sticker that said "Religious Liberty" followed by print too small to read. Did the driver think we need more religious liberty? Do our restrictive laws governing religion somehow keep him from exercising his own person religious expression? I could not imagine what restriction on religious liberty, would be so intolerable, that a bumper sticker was necessary.
Within walking distance I can attend a Chinese Christian Church, a Korean Christian Church, a Spanish Christian Church and 5 different denominations of American Christian Churches. Within the city I can attend more than 50 variations of Protestant Churches, several different Catholic Churches, as well as, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu and Buddhist services. The variety is mind boggling. And I nearly forgot the Mormons.
I can find churches that do not allow dancing and churches that feel dancing is an important part of worship. I can find churches that frown on the consumption of alcohol and churches that own bars (in some cases, the same church). I can find churches that welcome gay couples and churches that preach homosexuality as a deadly sin. Many churches preach that sex is only allowed within marriage and only for the purpose of procreation, and I know (don't ask how) of a church that holds monthly orgies as an expression of their beliefs. The only religious liberties I can think of which are restricted are the rights to have sex with children, commit rape or murder or sacrifice live animals or people. You can even commit hate crimes, as long as you do it for the love of God.
Even these few restrictions can be gotten around if you're willing to limit the acts to ritual depictions. Ritual polygamy, murder and cannibalism are carried out in churches all of the time, with no complaints. If you can come up with a ritual depiction of pedophilia and somehow connect it to your religion, you're home free, as disturbing as that may sound.
The only time I hear someone complaining about their religious liberties, it turns out they are upset because their beliefs require society to force everyone else to comply with those beliefs. Requiring school prayer, requiring the teaching of creationism in public schools, prohibiting abortion and prohibiting gay marriage are some of the popular choices.
Worship in whatever way you wish and exercise your personal religious liberty to whatever extent you wish, but don't try to take away my personal liberty in the process. Don't require my tax dollars to teach your faith as science and I won't use your churches income to build new roads. And if you aren't in favor of same sex marriages, then don't marry someone of the same sex. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to sacrifice a beer and some hot wings.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Silent Knight, Holy Knight
It's that time of year again. Here in Indianapolis, it's looking like a winter wonderland, and all eyes have turned to the NCAA basketball tournament. March Madness indeed. Basketball is an Indiana passion, actually rankng above bigotry in most polls. For many Hoosiers, one name will always be linked to March Madness; Bobby Knight.
Recently, The New York Times ran an article, Coach Bobby Knight on why he's so unpleasant, a brief interview with Coach Knight. In the interview, he appears to fit into the persona, so often associated with him, surly and uncommunicative. The interview is part of the media coverage of a new book by Coach Knight "The Power of Negative Thinking". What I found most interesting were the comments added by readers of The New York Times. After all this time, Coach Bobby Knight is someone who evokes a very strong emotional response from many.
Let's look at some of the negative aspects of Coach Knight. Probably first and foremost would be his temper. He threw a chair, assaulted a police officer and choked a player, and those are just the stories that made the press. Who knows how many outbursts were never caught on film, or reported. I can relate. I have a temper and I've done much worse than Coach Knight. Fortunately, I rarely have a camera lens pointed my way. There is really only one thing that causes me to lose my temper, incompetence. This seems to be Coach Knight's issue as well. When incompetence was keeping him from achieving his goals, he blew up.
Coach Knight has long been criticized for being unresponsive and combative with the press. When a reporter asks a stupid question, he doesn't use diplomacy, he tells them, one way or another, it is a stupid question. After hearing the types of questions most reporters feel are important, I can't blame him. As an example, prior to the 1994 Super Bowl , a reporter asked Buffalo's Cornelius Bennett, "Do you think you can win?". The press has reached the point where they feel every aspect of every celebrities life is newsworthy, and the public seems to agree. If the athletes 75 years ago had been subjected to the same scrutiny, no sport would need a hall of fame. A simple vestibule would be sufficient.
Bobby Knight coached basketball as a team sport. This is important. Basketball is a team sport. He didn't go out and recruit superstars and superstars didn't have any desire to play for him. After all, why go to a school where you're required to attend classes, maintain high grades and live and work the same as everyone else, when plenty of coaches and universities are more than happy to set a superstar up in luxury. Coach Knight always understood that athletics were a part of the university, not the other way around. Football teams weren't founded and then later, someone decided to add a school. Under Bobby Knight, Indiana basketball maintained high standards and ran a clean program, and they won.
Discipline used to be very important, in all aspects of life. From the time we were crawling throughout our lives we were subject to one form of discipline or another. Whether a swat on the diaper, or being sent to reform school, being grounded, or getting fired, there were always consequences to our actions. No longer is this the case. Children are no longer expected to behave in any way, and adults seldom face consequences for their actions. All it takes is a good lawyer and a sympathetic jury, and one mark of a good lawyer is the ability to select a sympathetic jury.
Today's college athletics have no place for Coach Knight and his philosophy. Discipline? Respect? Teamwork? Hard Work? College Basketball is big business. There is no place for a team that wins through hard work and teamwork. The media demands high-scoring, high-flying stars assisted by a few unknowns. No one cares if the player can handle basic math, as long as he produces on the court. Who cares if he has 3 illegitimate children by 3 different women. He's just someone that makes the university money on his way to the NBA. So what if he misses half the practices and never goes to class? He's averaging 26.3 points per game.
Too many coaches are willing to buy their way to a championship, too many universities want to win, no matter what it takes. Coach Knight insisted his teams earned their successes, just as he expected his players to earn the right to play. He expected his players to measure up to his standards. He wasn't interested in making an NBA player out of the people he coached, we wanted to make them men.
Recently, The New York Times ran an article, Coach Bobby Knight on why he's so unpleasant, a brief interview with Coach Knight. In the interview, he appears to fit into the persona, so often associated with him, surly and uncommunicative. The interview is part of the media coverage of a new book by Coach Knight "The Power of Negative Thinking". What I found most interesting were the comments added by readers of The New York Times. After all this time, Coach Bobby Knight is someone who evokes a very strong emotional response from many.
Let's look at some of the negative aspects of Coach Knight. Probably first and foremost would be his temper. He threw a chair, assaulted a police officer and choked a player, and those are just the stories that made the press. Who knows how many outbursts were never caught on film, or reported. I can relate. I have a temper and I've done much worse than Coach Knight. Fortunately, I rarely have a camera lens pointed my way. There is really only one thing that causes me to lose my temper, incompetence. This seems to be Coach Knight's issue as well. When incompetence was keeping him from achieving his goals, he blew up.
Coach Knight has long been criticized for being unresponsive and combative with the press. When a reporter asks a stupid question, he doesn't use diplomacy, he tells them, one way or another, it is a stupid question. After hearing the types of questions most reporters feel are important, I can't blame him. As an example, prior to the 1994 Super Bowl , a reporter asked Buffalo's Cornelius Bennett, "Do you think you can win?". The press has reached the point where they feel every aspect of every celebrities life is newsworthy, and the public seems to agree. If the athletes 75 years ago had been subjected to the same scrutiny, no sport would need a hall of fame. A simple vestibule would be sufficient.
Bobby Knight coached basketball as a team sport. This is important. Basketball is a team sport. He didn't go out and recruit superstars and superstars didn't have any desire to play for him. After all, why go to a school where you're required to attend classes, maintain high grades and live and work the same as everyone else, when plenty of coaches and universities are more than happy to set a superstar up in luxury. Coach Knight always understood that athletics were a part of the university, not the other way around. Football teams weren't founded and then later, someone decided to add a school. Under Bobby Knight, Indiana basketball maintained high standards and ran a clean program, and they won.
Discipline used to be very important, in all aspects of life. From the time we were crawling throughout our lives we were subject to one form of discipline or another. Whether a swat on the diaper, or being sent to reform school, being grounded, or getting fired, there were always consequences to our actions. No longer is this the case. Children are no longer expected to behave in any way, and adults seldom face consequences for their actions. All it takes is a good lawyer and a sympathetic jury, and one mark of a good lawyer is the ability to select a sympathetic jury.
Today's college athletics have no place for Coach Knight and his philosophy. Discipline? Respect? Teamwork? Hard Work? College Basketball is big business. There is no place for a team that wins through hard work and teamwork. The media demands high-scoring, high-flying stars assisted by a few unknowns. No one cares if the player can handle basic math, as long as he produces on the court. Who cares if he has 3 illegitimate children by 3 different women. He's just someone that makes the university money on his way to the NBA. So what if he misses half the practices and never goes to class? He's averaging 26.3 points per game.
Too many coaches are willing to buy their way to a championship, too many universities want to win, no matter what it takes. Coach Knight insisted his teams earned their successes, just as he expected his players to earn the right to play. He expected his players to measure up to his standards. He wasn't interested in making an NBA player out of the people he coached, we wanted to make them men.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
At this stage in my life, it would be wonderful to claim some altruistic motive. "I just wanted to make the world a better place", "I only wanted to make people happy" or "I always hungered for knowledge". While each of these might be how others see me, in truth, they are all a load of crap. Mostly, I've wanted approval, validation, appreciation and compliments. I wanted to be loved. Looking back, it seems obvious, wanting these things is a very long way from deserving and receiving them.
I don't need to be flooded with 3 or 4 expressions of love. I know you're out there, and I appreciate the sentiment.
My self-deception began at an early age. My early success in school was fueled by a desire to have my father tell me we was proud of me. Metaphysics aside, this was not going to happen, due to his unfortunate, early demise. Perhaps the unreceived praise was more effective. It kept me interested in an education that otherwise would have left me bored out of my mind. Certainly I enjoy the pursuit of knowledge and love learning, just for the sake of learning, but that love is not what started my journey.
The American Dream: A wife, several kids, a couple of dogs and a cute little house with a white picket fence. At least that was my dream. Probably from the time I was 10 years old until well into my 30's, this was the road I thought my life should take. Approval. I wanted to be a good husband, father and neighbor. A faceless fantasy. There were no set traits I was looking for in a wife (which might explain why I've had so many), no dreams for the kids futures, even the dogs were generic. Today I can still picture that house, but I never deserved it.
After 30+ years of failed marriages, disastrous relationships and unrealized dreams, I've at last learned a few things about myself. Love is something undefined. There is no set pattern and no rules. It develops between people, and is, each time, unique. Even the love between each parent and each child is unique. Love has to sprout and grow from a tiny seed. Therein lies my problem. I know about love, I know how to love, and love comes easily to me. But, my preconception of what love is and should be causes anything that springs up to be twisted and deformed. I'm starting with a pine cone and hoping to grow an oak tree.
Today, I've decided it is time to stop looking for love. Time to leave that fantasy where it belongs, on Nick at Nite. No more flowers and dinner for two, no more romantic movies and sentimental poetry, no more trying to make one happy life out of two messed up people. I will go on loving everyone, but from afar. This is not an unhappy occasion. It is a realization; my happiness starts and ends with me.
Isn't it amazing the lengths I will go to, to convince myself it's okay to buy a new guitar?
I don't need to be flooded with 3 or 4 expressions of love. I know you're out there, and I appreciate the sentiment.
My self-deception began at an early age. My early success in school was fueled by a desire to have my father tell me we was proud of me. Metaphysics aside, this was not going to happen, due to his unfortunate, early demise. Perhaps the unreceived praise was more effective. It kept me interested in an education that otherwise would have left me bored out of my mind. Certainly I enjoy the pursuit of knowledge and love learning, just for the sake of learning, but that love is not what started my journey.
The American Dream: A wife, several kids, a couple of dogs and a cute little house with a white picket fence. At least that was my dream. Probably from the time I was 10 years old until well into my 30's, this was the road I thought my life should take. Approval. I wanted to be a good husband, father and neighbor. A faceless fantasy. There were no set traits I was looking for in a wife (which might explain why I've had so many), no dreams for the kids futures, even the dogs were generic. Today I can still picture that house, but I never deserved it.
After 30+ years of failed marriages, disastrous relationships and unrealized dreams, I've at last learned a few things about myself. Love is something undefined. There is no set pattern and no rules. It develops between people, and is, each time, unique. Even the love between each parent and each child is unique. Love has to sprout and grow from a tiny seed. Therein lies my problem. I know about love, I know how to love, and love comes easily to me. But, my preconception of what love is and should be causes anything that springs up to be twisted and deformed. I'm starting with a pine cone and hoping to grow an oak tree.
Today, I've decided it is time to stop looking for love. Time to leave that fantasy where it belongs, on Nick at Nite. No more flowers and dinner for two, no more romantic movies and sentimental poetry, no more trying to make one happy life out of two messed up people. I will go on loving everyone, but from afar. This is not an unhappy occasion. It is a realization; my happiness starts and ends with me.
Isn't it amazing the lengths I will go to, to convince myself it's okay to buy a new guitar?
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Boys Will Be Boys
There has been a great deal of discussion about the verdict in the so called, "Steubenville Rape Case". If you're unaware of this, here is a brief outline: Two teenage boys sexually assaulted a teenage girl after she got drunk and passed out at a party. Video and pictures were taken and spread around the internet.. Both boys have been sentenced to at least one year in a juvenile detention facility (with an additional year for the picture taker) and may be held there until they are 21. One of the boys implied their high school football coach knew about the incident and had taken care of it.
Just to be clear, this is not a new phenomenon. This behavior has always existed, but without camera phones, the incidents were very rarely documented. I recommend you tell your daughters this in very clear terms: If they get drunk at a party, they will, at the very least, be groped. If they pass out, they can expect the sexual assault to go much further. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the victim, but you should equip your children with the knowledge to reduce their risk.
A significant contributing factor is our culture's hypocrisy about sex. From "Chantilly Lace" to "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" our music is full of references to sexual situations involving teenage girls. We have beauty pageants where 5 year old girls are dressed and made up to look like sexual objects. Our advertising and entertainment is full of sexual innuendo, often involving teens. Men are seen as virile and admirable if they are sexually promiscuous, while women are considered sluts and tramps if they even appear to take an interest in sex. There is nothing consistent about our society's sexual mores.
From the male perspective (the only one I'm qualified to give), adolescence is a horrifying time. There is a certain time in a young boys life when the most important drive is to find something, anything, to copulate with. A knothole, a vacuum cleaner, a goat, it doesn't matter what, as long as it's a good fit. An unconscious girl surrounded by teenage boys is about as safe as a chicken in a foxes den. The teenage male hormonal stew doesn't understand consent. The only restraint has to be instilled by, if not their parents, then society.
My father passed away long before he had the opportunity to have "the talk" with me. My early knowledge of women included much that was wrong. You can't imagine my disappointment when I discovered strawberry jam doesn't come out of women's nipples. Although, I had to learn about sex on my own, there was one thing I knew growing up. If I had ever raped a girl, conscious or not, then if the police didn't catch me first, I would not have survived to go to trial. Between my mother and the girl's parents, my end would have been something it's best not to contemplate.
I wish there was some simple solution, but this is a situation that has no easy answers. One step parents can take is to educate your children. Sex is a responsibility. It's not a duty, or a tool, a reward or a punishment, it's part of the biggest responsibility they will ever have. While you're at it, teach them to speak up and step up when something is wrong. Many people had the opportunity to step up and put a stop to the events which have had such a negative impact on 3 teens who are probably all pretty good kids.
And if any adults, who had knowledge of this rape, tried to cover it up, they need a long prison sentence to let the rest of the country know, this will not be tolerated. For an excellent discussion of this topic, I recommend Henry Rollins speaks out on Steubenville Rape Case.
Just to be clear, this is not a new phenomenon. This behavior has always existed, but without camera phones, the incidents were very rarely documented. I recommend you tell your daughters this in very clear terms: If they get drunk at a party, they will, at the very least, be groped. If they pass out, they can expect the sexual assault to go much further. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the victim, but you should equip your children with the knowledge to reduce their risk.
A significant contributing factor is our culture's hypocrisy about sex. From "Chantilly Lace" to "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" our music is full of references to sexual situations involving teenage girls. We have beauty pageants where 5 year old girls are dressed and made up to look like sexual objects. Our advertising and entertainment is full of sexual innuendo, often involving teens. Men are seen as virile and admirable if they are sexually promiscuous, while women are considered sluts and tramps if they even appear to take an interest in sex. There is nothing consistent about our society's sexual mores.
From the male perspective (the only one I'm qualified to give), adolescence is a horrifying time. There is a certain time in a young boys life when the most important drive is to find something, anything, to copulate with. A knothole, a vacuum cleaner, a goat, it doesn't matter what, as long as it's a good fit. An unconscious girl surrounded by teenage boys is about as safe as a chicken in a foxes den. The teenage male hormonal stew doesn't understand consent. The only restraint has to be instilled by, if not their parents, then society.
My father passed away long before he had the opportunity to have "the talk" with me. My early knowledge of women included much that was wrong. You can't imagine my disappointment when I discovered strawberry jam doesn't come out of women's nipples. Although, I had to learn about sex on my own, there was one thing I knew growing up. If I had ever raped a girl, conscious or not, then if the police didn't catch me first, I would not have survived to go to trial. Between my mother and the girl's parents, my end would have been something it's best not to contemplate.
I wish there was some simple solution, but this is a situation that has no easy answers. One step parents can take is to educate your children. Sex is a responsibility. It's not a duty, or a tool, a reward or a punishment, it's part of the biggest responsibility they will ever have. While you're at it, teach them to speak up and step up when something is wrong. Many people had the opportunity to step up and put a stop to the events which have had such a negative impact on 3 teens who are probably all pretty good kids.
And if any adults, who had knowledge of this rape, tried to cover it up, they need a long prison sentence to let the rest of the country know, this will not be tolerated. For an excellent discussion of this topic, I recommend Henry Rollins speaks out on Steubenville Rape Case.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Climate Change Explained
Global warming or climate change, call it what you will, is not some new concept dreamed up as part of the liberal conspiracy. Scientists have been discussing this possibility for at least 50 years, possibly longer. In recent decades, a staggering amount and array of evidence has been compiled, showing that we are causing a change in the earth's climate. From an archeological view, this is a boon. Sites which have been buried under ice for thousands of years are now able to be explored. However, from the survival of the species view things are not nearly as rosy.
I've gone over this before, but it bears repeating, our civilization is changing our climate. To understand this there are a few terms I need to define; ideal and real. Ideal is used to define a static, or unchanging system. Any changes are introduced in a controlled manner so their effects can be measured. Real is what we live with. Things are constantly changing, in an uncontrolled manner. This makes specific measurements difficult to obtain, instead we need to look at trends. A few local days of unseasonably warm or cold weather is not useful when examining the entire climate system.
On an ideal earth, the population (of every animal) is constant, weather is consistent and predictable and there are no volcanoes, earthquakes or hurricanes to alter the weather patterns. There is no new construction, no trees cut down (or new trees grown) and no pollution. During daylight, the sun warms the earth, at night that warmth radiates out to space. In this scenario, the sun is the heat source and space the heat sink. No weather predictions are needed. Every day's weather is exactly like the weather the year before. Additionally, all warm blooded animals are heat sources and all plants are heat sinks. Since we spend most of our time in temperatures lower than body temperature, each of us contributes a small amount to the heat balance. Plants use sunlight to grow and survive, meaning they subtract from the heat balance. Everyone still with me? Now for the changes.
Humans are the only animals that alter their environment. Most species seek or build some type of shelter, but we're the only ones to build a fire to heat it. If it is too dark, we add light. Too cold, we add heat. Too hot, we remove heat, a process that generates more heat. We cut down forests to build cities, cut down forests for more farmland and when we need more trees, we plant evergreens because they grow faster. Not only do we add heat by our body heat, but every aspect of our lives adds more heat. By greatly reducing the number of plants (especially trees) we are reducing their ability to remove heat. Much of the waste from our lives ends up in the atmosphere where it works like a blanket. Other than electric blankets, blankets do not generate heat, they block your body heat from escaping. A blanket of pollution in the atmosphere does the same thing, allowing less heat to escape at night. In our ideal, balanced climate we've made some changes. We've added to the heat sources and subtracted from the heat sinks. More people (source), less trees (sink), more industry (source), more pollution (sink). Unless someone has a hidden heat sink somewhere, there is no alternative; in the real world our climate has to trend warmer. Simple.
But, our climate is a very complex thing. Due to the earth's axial tilt (23.4°) we have seasons. One of the benefits of seasonal climate change is to help distribute the artificial climate alterations. When you remove people from the equation, this works. A volcano erupts, adding heat and ash to the air. This combines to create a cycle of storms, that brings rain and snow in a wide swath, helping to distribute the extra heat and remove the ash from the atmosphere. But if it gets too cold, we turn up the heat and if it gets too hot, we turn up the heat. The result is much wider swings in the weather that we see. This means drought and flooding. It means blizzards and heat waves. And it means hurricanes and tornadoes. Bigger, more frequent and in places where we do not expect them.
So, when your crops fail because we have 2 days of 20° weather in July, it doesn't mean that global warming isn't a reality. It means the climate is trying to get your attention. Instead of fighting to destroy the only home we have, you may want to start thinking about ways to protect it.
I've gone over this before, but it bears repeating, our civilization is changing our climate. To understand this there are a few terms I need to define; ideal and real. Ideal is used to define a static, or unchanging system. Any changes are introduced in a controlled manner so their effects can be measured. Real is what we live with. Things are constantly changing, in an uncontrolled manner. This makes specific measurements difficult to obtain, instead we need to look at trends. A few local days of unseasonably warm or cold weather is not useful when examining the entire climate system.
On an ideal earth, the population (of every animal) is constant, weather is consistent and predictable and there are no volcanoes, earthquakes or hurricanes to alter the weather patterns. There is no new construction, no trees cut down (or new trees grown) and no pollution. During daylight, the sun warms the earth, at night that warmth radiates out to space. In this scenario, the sun is the heat source and space the heat sink. No weather predictions are needed. Every day's weather is exactly like the weather the year before. Additionally, all warm blooded animals are heat sources and all plants are heat sinks. Since we spend most of our time in temperatures lower than body temperature, each of us contributes a small amount to the heat balance. Plants use sunlight to grow and survive, meaning they subtract from the heat balance. Everyone still with me? Now for the changes.
Humans are the only animals that alter their environment. Most species seek or build some type of shelter, but we're the only ones to build a fire to heat it. If it is too dark, we add light. Too cold, we add heat. Too hot, we remove heat, a process that generates more heat. We cut down forests to build cities, cut down forests for more farmland and when we need more trees, we plant evergreens because they grow faster. Not only do we add heat by our body heat, but every aspect of our lives adds more heat. By greatly reducing the number of plants (especially trees) we are reducing their ability to remove heat. Much of the waste from our lives ends up in the atmosphere where it works like a blanket. Other than electric blankets, blankets do not generate heat, they block your body heat from escaping. A blanket of pollution in the atmosphere does the same thing, allowing less heat to escape at night. In our ideal, balanced climate we've made some changes. We've added to the heat sources and subtracted from the heat sinks. More people (source), less trees (sink), more industry (source), more pollution (sink). Unless someone has a hidden heat sink somewhere, there is no alternative; in the real world our climate has to trend warmer. Simple.
But, our climate is a very complex thing. Due to the earth's axial tilt (23.4°) we have seasons. One of the benefits of seasonal climate change is to help distribute the artificial climate alterations. When you remove people from the equation, this works. A volcano erupts, adding heat and ash to the air. This combines to create a cycle of storms, that brings rain and snow in a wide swath, helping to distribute the extra heat and remove the ash from the atmosphere. But if it gets too cold, we turn up the heat and if it gets too hot, we turn up the heat. The result is much wider swings in the weather that we see. This means drought and flooding. It means blizzards and heat waves. And it means hurricanes and tornadoes. Bigger, more frequent and in places where we do not expect them.
So, when your crops fail because we have 2 days of 20° weather in July, it doesn't mean that global warming isn't a reality. It means the climate is trying to get your attention. Instead of fighting to destroy the only home we have, you may want to start thinking about ways to protect it.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
What I Do With My Free Time
Time to share a little something with my mob of admiring fans, all 5 of them. When I'm not busy annoying people (surprisingly, it usually takes only a few seconds to annoy most people), I write, play the guitar and read. All activities that also seem to annoy people. Much of my writing is done while I pursue my chosen career, driving a truck, which, judging by the hand gestures, also annoys people.
Writing while driving a truck, probably sounds dangerous, and it would be, if I tried to write with pen and paper. Instead, I memorize whatever I am writing by constant repetition. In this manner I am able to remember my words long enough to write them down at the first available opportunity. Some of what I write while driving are posts that end up in this blog. Some ends up being songs, and some is never meant to be read.
Rather than repeat myself, or include links to other posts in my blog, I'll leave it to you to figure out how to find and read other blog entries. Below are some of the lyrics that I've written. They are all my work, and I hold the copyrights. What they are all lacking is the music . Perhaps someday I'll be able to add that as well. Without further ado, here they are, along with editorial comments.
If you are unfortunate enough to hear me talk about past relationships, you'll hear references to "The Good Wife". Lorane bought me a beer because she liked the way I looked, 25 years ago, bending over a pool table in my tight jeans. I left her for a pretty face that turned out to be hiding severe emotional problems. This is her song:
Writing while driving a truck, probably sounds dangerous, and it would be, if I tried to write with pen and paper. Instead, I memorize whatever I am writing by constant repetition. In this manner I am able to remember my words long enough to write them down at the first available opportunity. Some of what I write while driving are posts that end up in this blog. Some ends up being songs, and some is never meant to be read.
Rather than repeat myself, or include links to other posts in my blog, I'll leave it to you to figure out how to find and read other blog entries. Below are some of the lyrics that I've written. They are all my work, and I hold the copyrights. What they are all lacking is the music . Perhaps someday I'll be able to add that as well. Without further ado, here they are, along with editorial comments.
If you are unfortunate enough to hear me talk about past relationships, you'll hear references to "The Good Wife". Lorane bought me a beer because she liked the way I looked, 25 years ago, bending over a pool table in my tight jeans. I left her for a pretty face that turned out to be hiding severe emotional problems. This is her song:
Lorane
She
sat up at the bar, sharing
drinks
and laughs with friends
Meanwhile,
I had twenty riding
on
a two rail shot to win
My
barkeep walked over and said
this
beer is from Lorane
Twelve
ounces later and my life
has
never been the same
She
said It's hard to go through life easy
You've
got to run til you learn to crawl
Gonna
make me mad if you try to please me
Can't
reach the top until you learn to fall
Though
you wouldn't know it, her life,
Her
life was full of pain
When
she picked herself up, life,
well
it kicked her down again
She
didn't need a ladder
To
climb up over her trials
If
you're feeling down she said
Face
the world with a smile
Chorus
The
time that we had together
Were
the best years of my life
You
made a man of this lost boy
When
you became my wife
Knowing
that I walked away
I
hang my head in shame
I
never meant to hurt you
Not
you, my sweet Lorane
Chorus
She
sits up at the bar sharing
drinks
and laughs with friends
And
I would give anything
just
to take that shot again
There was a period where I spent a considerable amount of time in topless bars, the so called "Gentlemen's Clubs". Very rarely did I see a man there actually being a gentleman. This is about the optimism and despair which finds so many women who choose this path.
Rented
Dreams
The
lights are low, the music loud and smoke fills the air
You
kick it back, act real cool and keep trying not to stare
Lonely
old men and rowdy young guys thinking they will score
But
when the lights go up they all walk out
And
leave their dreams at the door
Chorus
She's
renting out her dreams at twenty bucks a song
And
if you've got the means she'll let you dream along
Someday
her prince is gonna walk in and pull her from this scene
But
until that day she'll be on the stage renting out her dreams
She
dreamed she was a princess, darling of the world
She
had tea parties, played with dolls, she was daddy's little girl
Standing
tall she headed off for those big city lights
Somewhere
her dreams took a wrong turn
Now
she rents them out each night
Chorus
For
fifteen years she's been up there, the time where has it went?
She's
made a million dollars but she doesn't have a cent
Now
her cloud's silver lining has turned to rusted steel
She
no longer knows how to dream
And
she's forgotten how to feel
Chorus
She's
renting out her dreams at twenty bucks a song
And
if you've got the means she'll let you dream along
Someday
her prince is gonna walk in and pull her from this scene
But
until that she'll be on the stage renting out her dreams
But
unless he does she'll be on that stage renting out her dreams
This next piece is my attempt at humor. The entire song is somewhat autobiographical, with a bit of editing.
Spontaneity
The very first girl that I had
I was still just a lad
Walking through the park
And wanting it real bad
Then this girl I sorta knew
Said you know what I want to do
And by the time we were through
I had pine needles on my ass
Spontaneity
It's okay with me
Doesn't matter where we might be
I don't think anyone can see
How about over beneath that tree
for some Spontaneity
Long ago on my birthday
My girlfriend had this to say
I want to take you out
To a topless bar today
I guess that she enjoyed the show
And the girls swinging on the pole
Because when it came time to go
She got naked in the parking lot
Spontaneity
It's okay with me
Doesn't matter where we might be
She didn't care everyone could see
It was better than a lap dance and it
was free
That Spontaneity
Take all your plans and throw them out
If you want to make her squeal and
shout
Sometimes you just have to
Take her by surprise
Cause you never know what she might do
After she's had a drink or two
Hell, she might even call her best
friend
Spontaneity
That's okay with me
Doesn't matter where we might be
No one will see this video except us
three
I want both of you on top of me
For some Spontaneity
Went to see a friend who wasn't home
Found his wife there all alone
She said I sure get lonely
When he's gone
After some of this and
After some of that
She ended up flat on her back
And that's when I found out
Her hubby's bi
Spontaneity
He's on top of me
This ain't where I want to be
I thought you said he was gone til
three
You want to get that thing away from me
Spontaneity
Last, at least for now, is my protest song. The previous samples I will eventually (I hope) be able to put music to, and complete them. This one may well be beyond me. I think this needs a heavy metal touch that I just don't have.
Free
Against the fates I rage
Caged, in a darkened cell waits my soul
Within my heart I burn
Yearning to light the fires and lose
control
With all my might I strain
Chained upon the rack of conformity
But now it's time to break
Forsaking these golden bonds I will be
free
Take them off, Knock them down
These shackles and walls that confound
humanity
Break them all, take them out
The rules and fools that want our
slavery
Take it off, spread them wide
Without a winding shroud on our wings
we'll fly free
Stand up tall, shout it loud
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Our thoughts they want to bind
Confined, our hopes and dreams will
never be
Each open door they close
Enclosing us 'til we rot in poverty
They will not still my voice
Shouting what I see of all that's wrong
Together we must fight
Writing with our blood a victory song
Take them off, Knock them down
These shackles and walls that confound
humanity
Break them all, take them out
The rules and fools that want our
slavery
Take it off, spread them wide
Without a winding shroud on our wings
we'll fly free
Stand up tall, shout it loud
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Upon their thrones they reign
Stained by all they've trampled with
their greed
For all they want, they take
Slaking their thirst for power while we
bleed
Until we all stand strong
Longing for the right to live and love
each day
They will take all we save
Raving about their debts which we must
pay
Take them off, Knock them down
These shackles and walls that confound
humanity
Break them all, take them out
The rules and fools that want our
slavery
Take it off, spread them wide
Without a winding shroud on our wings
we'll fly free
Stand up tall, shout it loud
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Your hatred and your greed won't bury
me
Until my final breath I will stand free
There you have it. Hope something of the above is enjoyable.
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