Boys Will Be Boys

There has been a great deal of discussion about the verdict in the so called, "Steubenville Rape Case".  If you're unaware of this, here is a brief outline:  Two teenage boys sexually assaulted a teenage girl after she got drunk and passed out at a party.  Video and pictures were taken and spread around the internet..  Both boys have been sentenced to at least one year in a juvenile detention facility (with an additional year for the picture taker) and may be held there until they are 21.  One of the boys implied their high school football coach knew about the incident and had taken care of it.

Just to be clear, this is not a new phenomenon.  This behavior has always existed, but without camera phones, the incidents were very rarely documented.  I recommend you tell your daughters this in very clear terms:  If they get drunk at a party, they will, at the very least, be groped.  If they pass out, they can expect the sexual assault to go much further.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the victim, but you should equip your children with the knowledge to reduce their risk.

A significant contributing factor is our culture's hypocrisy about sex.  From "Chantilly Lace" to "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" our music is full of references to sexual situations involving teenage girls.  We have beauty pageants where 5 year old girls are dressed and made up to look like sexual objects.  Our advertising and entertainment is full of sexual innuendo, often involving teens.  Men are seen as virile and admirable if they are sexually promiscuous, while women are considered sluts and tramps if they even appear to take an interest in sex.  There is nothing consistent about our society's sexual mores.

From the male perspective (the only one I'm qualified to give), adolescence is a horrifying time.  There is a certain time in a young boys life when the most important drive is to find something, anything, to copulate with.  A knothole, a vacuum cleaner, a goat, it doesn't matter what, as long as it's a good fit.  An unconscious girl surrounded by teenage boys is about as safe as a chicken in a foxes den.  The teenage male hormonal stew doesn't understand consent.  The only restraint has to be instilled by, if not their parents, then society.

My father passed away long before he had the opportunity to have "the talk" with me.  My early knowledge of women included much that was wrong.  You can't imagine my disappointment when I discovered strawberry jam doesn't come out of women's nipples.  Although, I had to learn about sex on my own, there was one thing I knew growing up.  If I had ever raped a girl, conscious or not, then if the police didn't catch me first, I would not have survived to go to trial.  Between my mother and the girl's parents, my end would have been something it's best not to contemplate.

I wish there was some simple solution, but this is a situation that has no easy answers.  One step parents can take is to educate your children.  Sex is a responsibility.  It's not a duty, or a tool, a reward or a punishment, it's part of the biggest responsibility they will ever have.  While you're at it, teach them to speak up and step up when something is wrong.  Many people had the opportunity to step up and put a stop to the events which have had such a negative impact on 3 teens who are probably all pretty good kids.

And if any adults, who had knowledge of this rape, tried to cover it up, they need a long prison sentence to let the rest of the country know, this will not be tolerated.  For an excellent discussion of this topic, I recommend Henry Rollins speaks out on Steubenville Rape Case.